Oct 13/09 <50 A few questions
October 13, 2009 by Brian Finch
Filed under Acid Reflux Reality Show, GayGuideToronto.Com
Here’s my latest GayGuideToronto.Com post – My Burning Bathhouse
I have a question for anyone who reads this. Recently I met this guy I really like. It’s nothing like dating or relationship, more like a sexual friendship, a step up from fuckbuddy, but a step down from dating. Something in between in that no strings kind of connection.
He is negative, and in the past has taken such extreme risks. Today he sent me a text from Hassle Free Clinic to say his test came back negative.
Since we’ve met, despite his avserion to condoms, nonetheless, we have used them everytime time.
After having posted a sure to be controverial post on GayGuideToronto.Com last week about guys having condomless sex, with a few sites targeting those guys, I want to make it clear I am not into barebacking. I have had condomless sex with other positive guys. My ability to be a fly-strip for infections really keeps me away from it.
This particular guy has been fucked bare with full on coming with a few positive tops. Today he again gets a negative test result.
Of course he comes to me with questions, and I don’t have the answers to why.
If it is because of being undectable, and public health policy goes forward with the idea of “treatment as prevention” I can see a lot of guys taking a lot more risks.
My other question would be how do we deal with that. twenty years of safe sex campaigns blur into the background, I call them noise. Not because they are bad, but rather they become the sound of the fridge in the background completely tuned out.
For some reason this fellow has turned around from condomless sex to accepting them with me. What is it that finally got to him? And could his previous bottom bareback experiences undetectable tops be the reason why he remains negative?
There has been a lot of controversy around this topic given the Swiss Cohort Study. They claimed if undetectable the risk is very low. However, these were heterosexual couples with no history of other sexually transmitted infection.
Given that criteria, this excludes a lot of real world situations and even though undetectable reduces viral load in semen of most men, it doesn’t in all. There is no way to know who will deliver the loaded bullet, and who won’t.
The reason why I’ve been writing about this subject a lot lately is because it is an issue that is arising in my personal life. And whatever is happening with me personally inspires discussions outloud here on my blog or GayGuideToronto.Com.
P.S. Joomla is going to take a long long time to get going.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot too lately, simply I am doing my best not to date, fuck or have sex with HIV- men. I’m poz, and want to be with someone else poz so I don’t have to use condoms.
But in the past I was in a relationship with a poz top when I was neg, and we never used condoms. He never came in me, but he had so much precum, AND at least once he put his dick back in me after pulling out and cumming on my back. But his viral load was undetectable, and I think that that is an important factor – not the only important factor, mind you.
I think it does depend more or less on how much risk one is willing to take. I know of several neg bottoms who would be more than happy to let me fuck them bare, but I don’t because of my concerns for my own health. Well, not so much as “don’t”, but I try not to.
Your friend may be okay with condoms because you require it. If you wanted to bareback him, he’d be okay with that as well.
I appreciate your honest comment. With increasing criminalization this is a subject that has become incredibly taboo. I’m not going to bareback with this guy, even if he has tempted fate incredibly in the past. If I did and he seroconverted, I wouldn’t like that feeling. Not to mention the fact that I am so public, I couldn’t go there.
Because I’m writing about it, you just know if I ever did that, sooner or later someone would start yapping about it everywhere. Not to mention if a negative guy decided in a post-coital and post postive test result that he didn’t consent after all and went to the police. I’d be toast.
But you hit the nail on the head with saying it all depends on the risk others are willing to take. The question is how do the varying assesments of personal risk fall into the present day prevention/education? I throw the subject out because I don’t have the answers in the marco sense of the issues, and individually it will vary a great deal.